Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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