did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
