I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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