why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
