I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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