Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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