hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
