Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
