Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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