Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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