Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
