So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
