Me too!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
