happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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