I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I love you. Go after that dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
