can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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