OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
