It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
