You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
