I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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