She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
