i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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