In America we eat man semen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
