You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
