A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
