I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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