He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
