you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
