You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
