chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
