My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
