Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
