She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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