I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
