If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
