For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
