omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
