I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
