dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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