Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
