After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
