i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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