marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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