...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
