Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
