I have demons in me.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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