im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
