I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
