Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
