Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
