I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
