I'm going to jail i love you
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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