When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
