I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
