and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
